


Am I Pretty?

by rosemary22



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drinking, M/M, SO, Too Much Drinking, also smoking, and have no clue, demi!enjolras, i mean it is grantaire, in which they're in love with each other, non binary jehan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 18:02:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5258372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosemary22/pseuds/rosemary22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He had never seen himself as an attractive, or even good looking, person."</p><p>In which Grantaire might not be as ugly as he thinks he is. And Enjolras doesn't get happy when he notices how poorly the other talks about himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Am I Pretty?

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Les Mis fic I have ever written. And also English is not my first language, so I'm really sorry for all my mistakes. Please let me know what is wrong so I can correct it ^^
> 
> I hope you like it.

He had never seen himself as an attractive, or even good looking, person. Actually, Grantaire tried not dwelling much in front of any mirror or mirror-like surface that could show him his reflection. Because of that, the man had acquired some little habits such as walking around whenever he was brushing his teeth or buying clothes only when he really needed to and always similar things in the same shops – because then he would know exactly what fit him and wouldn’t have to check it out. He also rarely ever appeared in pictures. His Snapchat history was always filled with his friends and his voice only and he only had an Instagram for posting digital doodles of his.

But he also never talked about it. So his friends always thought he was just being a good friend whenever he offered himself to take pictures of them when they needed to. A few more observant of them just assumed he wasn’t fond of taking pictures that much, so they tended not to force him to do so, unless it was an important event of some kind. A birthday party, New Year, another holiday they had spent together… And whenever they did, the man tried refusing a couple of times, but then ended up giving in to his friends’ wish. But he would try his best not to keep looking at the picture after that.

Not that he was that sensitive about his looks. He just preferred not having that in mind twenty-four hours a day.  And he also preferred not having to look at how pathetic he was close to a few of his friends, who were so good looking he almost couldn’t believe they were real. Jehan, for instance, always changing their hair and always looking amazing in every way. Or Cosette who always looked so pure and so kind, with a smile so genuine. Not to mention Enjolras… That guy didn’t even look human.

That morning he woke up feeling more self-conscious than ever. It was one of those days. One of the days he knew his friends would ask him to be in a photo with them. But also one of the two days he hated the most when they asked it.

He stared at his reflection as many times as he could that day.

When he woke up he saw it in the screen of his phone. Then when he got a spoon to eat a bowl of cereal he gave up right after having spent far too much time looking at how tired he looked and how the spoon accentuated his flaws. Then he stared at himself through an actual mirror. And so on.

After his classes that day, Grantaire went after something to buy. It was Enjolras’ birthday that day and their friends were planning a surprise party, since they knew that if it depended on their leader, they wouldn’t get the chance to celebrate that date.

Grantaire had already painted something to give to Enjolras as a birthday gift, but, as every year, he thought his stupid art was not close to enough. He always thought he could never give anything to the blond that would be close to enough. But he wouldn’t stop trying.

So the man went to a bookshop and bought some history books about revolutions that he didn’t remember seeing in Enjolras’ collection last time he was in his flat. Which had been a few months back, when he had to stop by to hand over to him a book that Marius had borrowed eons ago and was too ashamed of returning it after so long. Grantaire went back to his place so he could wrap up the presents; maybe even write a letter or a small card. And then spend the whole afternoon thinking of how he was going to show up to the surprise party. About how he was going to look in everyone’s presence. In _his_ presence.

Being completely honest, Grantaire was in love with Enjolras. The type of love the fearless leader made clear not to believe in every time he had let out a comment mocking how Marius was so sure he was in love with his girlfriend, Cosette, so short after having met her.

‘There’s no such thing as love at first sight.’ he would say, rolling his eyes when he realised Grantaire was ready to talk back at him Then the brunet would say nothing, just take one more sip of whatever he was drinking at the time.

But to Grantaire love at first sight wasn’t so ridiculous as it was for the red leader. He remembered the times when it was. When he would look at his colleagues and blurt out the same things the blond did now. When he would be the one mocking Marius nonstop for being such a fool and believing he could fall for someone simply by looking at them. But those times were far behind him. Those times were together with the times in which he didn’t believe in anything at all.

He also remembered the exact moment he realised how wrong he had been that whole time.

One of his colleagues mentioned the meetings at the Musain, meetings which Grantaire couldn’t be less interested in attending. He was ready to turn the invitation down until free booze was mentioned, which caught Grantaire’s attention as quickly as nothing ever did. Not even opportunities of getting laid or selling his paintings. So he decided to go to such meeting.

Getting there, he sat down as far from the centre of the room as he could; imagining that there would be the place where anyone would make a speech, since he was in the meeting of a social justice group from his campus. The man was so interested in consuming his drinks as quickly as he could that he didn’t even notice when the meeting started. He just noticed when that voice first spoke.

‘Welcome back, everyone.’ the godlike blond man spoke from the centre of the room. Grantaire’s heart skipped a beat and his hands went down, resting the cup he was holding in the table right in front of him. His eyes could no longer leave the figure dressed in that somewhat ridiculous red coat. For whatever long time the man spoke, Grantaire just stared at him, intensely. Not even paying any attention to whatever he was saying. And then he noticed people around him were saying their names. And why they were there that night.

The blond man, as well as everyone else, just followed with their eyes the path the voices were creating. Until his time arrived, right after his colleague spoke.

‘R. I’m here for the free drinks’ he shrugged. The godlike figure frowned at him and his colleague poked him with his elbow. He shrugged again and the presentations continued. But the blond guy would stare at Grantaire from time to time, his cold as ice blue eyes burning the brunet’s souls in shame.

Grantaire was used to being judged like that. He was also used to not feeling welcome anywhere. But the idea of that man hating him was, for some weird reason, almost unbearable to him.

Since that day their relationship pretty much went downhill.

The brunet wouldn’t stop going to those meetings, he started sort of befriending all the members of the group that kept going too – most of them being old regulars to those encounters. He had learnt all of their names and kept attending every single event of Les Amis de l’ABC even when his colleague had left the group after a few weeks. But he would never say a word when the meetings actually were happening. And he had never said another word to the leader ever since the first day. Until one day, when he was drunker than his usual – which was already pretty drunk – and he _laughed out loud_ at something the blond had said.

Everyone rested their eyes on him, which didn’t bother him at all. Until he noticed how the leader was gazing at him. He knew that look in his eyes, it was very similar to the one he used to look himself with in the mirror every day. That was hatred. Grantaire smiled.

‘What is is that you find so funny?’ the leader asked, visibly trying to stay calm.

‘All of this.’ he answered promptly. ‘It’s all quite amusing.’ his smile widened when one of his new colleagues, Combeferre, face slapped himself. ‘You talk about all this injustice and yet how much do you actually know about injustice, Apollo?’ it was the first time he used that nickname to refer to Enjolras outside his head. If the blond was confused by that, he didn’t show it. ‘You’re idealistic, I’ll give you that. But it is quite easy to be that naïve when you’re a white, cisgender, straight, rich man, don’t you think so?’ the other opened his mouth to protest, but he kept going. Spilling a bit of wine from the bottle he was holding. ‘You talk of revolutions and destroying the whole system in order to reach actual equality and you probably do not even realise what that actually means. You don’t realise that means destroying everything you are. So, yes, I find your somewhat self-destructive urges quite amusing. And also how naïve you manage to be, when you were supposed to be so smart, my dear.’ everything was incredibly tense around them.

‘I am not straight.’ was all Enjolras managed to say, for some reason. That was actually the first and only time he didn’t argue with Grantaire about something.

‘Point still stands.’ Grantaire shrugged and decided to go back to his bottle of wine, that was probably feeling rejected for he had spent too long without putting his mouth around it to take another sip. After a few seconds, the blond guy also returned to his speech, almost as if nothing had happened there.

The next meetings were worse. Some days Grantaire would say nothing at all, others he would sleep a little bit and some he was decided to make sure Enjolras looked at him at least once. And the best way of doing that was by contradicting him. Even if he heard terrible and mean things most of the time he opened his mouth to speak.

At that point in time, the one when Grantaire was getting emotionally ready to meet with everyone at Enjolras’ birthday, their relationship was bearable; at least outside of the Musain.

Enjorlas had learnt – because of their friends – that the brunet wasn’t always trying to tear his beliefs down. That, actually, he didn’t even mean all the things he said whenever he was drunk and shouting back at him, so he learnt to tolerate – or so the other thought – Grantaire whenever their friends threw parties or anything like that. So they could talk for a few minutes at social situations and were invited to each other’s annual secret parties organized by their friends.

Grantaire kept staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, thinking whether it was better if he tied his hair or shaved before going to the party. But he didn’t do anything. He did grab a hair tie and wore it in his wrist just in case, though.

He decided to put a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt and over it a dark green hoodie. He didn’t even plan on staying at the party for too long. He actually was planning to go there and leave before they even decided to take a group picture and forced him to stand beside Enjolras like they did every year in both of their birthdays. Which he never understood why, since he knew everyone was well aware of how much the other hated him. And most of them knew for sure how Grantaire felt. The others – he imagined – just needed a confirmation from him, but probably presumed he felt things for the leader. He didn’t even try hiding that anymore. Paying attention to every word that came from Enjolras’ mouth, always seeming tense whenever the blond was around him, looking at him with those heart eyes or even with desire whenever the leader was showing a few more emotions than the usual – and in response, Grantaire’s speeches were more flirty; calling him ‘his’ Apollo or making sure to slip a comment about his perfect hair or beautiful smile in the middle of an argument.

After finishing putting his clothes on, Grantaire took a some sips of wine and smoked one cigarette. There was no way he would manage to do that as sober as he was nor as tense as he was. But he probably wouldn’t be able to do the whole going to Enjolras’ house and _talking_ to him drunk either; he never was.

The man grabbed the wrapped books, a medium size paint he made recently, framed in frame that made him think of Enjolras the moment he looked at it and wrapped up in bright red paper and a small doodle he had made in which he wrote the words “Only art can live up to the gods, Apollo. Happy birthday.”. And he texted Jehan, telling them he was ready to go.

Jehan insisted on giving him a ride to Enjolras’, which was where they were going to throw the “surprise” party – which wasn’t even a surprise anymore given the fact they did that every year. The last time Grantaire drove there he almost had gotten himself in an accident on his way home because of how much he drank, so it wasn’t safe for him to drive in those situations anymore.

‘Wow. You manage to overcome yourself every year, Taire.’ Jehan giggled when they saw the frame in his arms. Grantaire opened the back seat to put it there in a way it wouldn’t possibly be ruined and blushed a little bit.

‘Is it too much?’ the other shook their head.

‘It’s fine. It’s pretty cute.’ they giggled again. ‘I’m sure he’s going to love it, Taire. Your art never fails to amuse us and leave us all speechless.’

‘You said so many incoherent things right now, Jehan, I don’t even know how to begin contesting them.’ his friend rolled their eyes.

‘You’re being pathetic, R.’

‘As always, my friend.’ he nodded, which made Jehan roll their eyes again. They both fell silent, which made Grantaire turn on the radio. He was nervous and Jehan noticed it, but decided it was better not to bring the topic up.

‘So, what did you paint?’ they asked, trying to engage into a conversation that didn’t make their friend have a crisis. ‘Was it the usual?’ he asked, referring to the doodles and small paintings of landscapes Grantaire gave to Enjolras for birthday and Christmas every year.

‘Actually no.’ he smiled. ‘You’ll see it if he opens it up tonight.’ his gaze went to his hands. ‘I’m actually pretty proud of this one, Jehan. I think he might actually like it…’ his friend let out a noise of disapproval.

‘He likes all your paintings, darling.’ Grantaire shrugged. ‘We all do. You know just how many of your work inspired me to write more, Taire. And you know how proud of those poems of mine I am.’

‘I know, I know… It’s just…’ he sighed. ‘I don’t want to talk about that.’ the other nodded and just let Grantaire turn the volume of the music up and keep quiet, taking a few deep breaths before they got to their leader’s flat.

Jehan parked and didn’t get out of the car just yet. They knew how their friend worked, how he needed to take a few breaths before going in, how he needed to say “no, I’m going home” before they convinced him of get going because it was getting late already.

Both of them went through Grantaire’s process together, which made the brunet feel glad Jehan was the one who offered to take him there. His friend was patient with him because they knew how hard it was for Grantaire to deal with Enjolras related things. Also because Jehan was as careful as they could to help their friend avoiding a panic attack and because whenever the other had one, they would always know how to deal with it. They never freaked out with him, not even once, and Grantaire was happy for that because having someone freak out when he was having a panic attack only made things worse.

Both of them got out of the car, grabbed their gifts and went on with evening plans. Getting there, Combeferre was the one who greeted them at the door – which made Grantaire relax a little bit.

They all proceeded to greet everyone there. Jehan started with Enjolras and Grantaire planned to greet him last. They were the last ones to get in the flat, so it took him a while to get to the birthday boy, who was waiting in the exact same spot Jehan had left him.

‘Hey, Apollo.’ Grantaire smiled, trying not to show how nervous he was.

‘You’re drunk.’ Enjolras stated, without even thinking twice, which made the other laugh a little bit before handing him his gifts and giving and “always” as an answer. The blond grabbed the books first and opened them up. Grantaire could swear he saw his eyes light up a little bit for a second. Maybe he was drunker than he thought.

‘Do you have them yet?’ he asked a bit worried, but his answer was a shy smile and a no. ‘Good. If you want to trade them for something else I can give you the address of the bookshop.’

‘It will not be necessary.’ he put the books on top of a table near them. Grantaire then handed him the painting and the doodle – which made Enjolras roll his eyes a little bit, but smile again. ‘Should I open it right now?’

‘I don’t know. If you want to.’ he shrugged. The blond nodded and started carefully un-wrapping the second gift. All eyes turned to their direction, everyone always got curious to know what Grantaire had painted or drawn because everyone always loved his art works – everyone but himself.

When Enjolras and the others looked at the painting their jaws dropped, which made Grantaire blush a little and Jehan smile, as if saying “I told you so”.

The painting looked so real. It was the first time he had ever showed Enjolras a painting of him. Of course, it wasn’t a portrait of the blond only – Grantaire thought that would be pretty weird. It was a portrait of all of them, Enjolras in the centre of the picture, glowing radiantly, as bright as the sun itself. All the others had a certain glow too. He had even drawn Gavroche on top of Courfeyrac’s shoulders. Eponine was there too. He had also drawn Cosette, in the back, with Marius – even though he had only done that because it would had been awkward if she saw the painting and didn’t find herself there. Not that Grantaire didn’t like her, he did, they were close friends, but she wasn’t one of Les Amis nor as present in their meetings as Eponine, for example.

They were all in a barricade of some sort. French flags all over the place, Enjolras’ eyes burning with passion.

And then the blond’s eyes wandered to one of the figures in the back. It was Grantaire. He knew it was him because there was some resemblance in that person and the real one, but he didn’t really like what he saw. The brunet had drawn himself almost as in a caricature of himself, making himself seem… Unattractive. Not that Enjolras thought he was unattractive. He didn’t, which was exactly why that bothered him so much. He also knew that the sad figure was Grantaire for the was holding a bottle of wine and wearing green – even though the fact that he was looking at Enjolras was also something that helped everyone else notice it was him.

‘So…’ Grantaire asked, impatient, bringing his Apollo back to the real world.

‘It’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, Grantaire.’ the way his name escaped the other’s lips made him shiver. ‘Thank you. I’m going to put it somewhere safe for tonight.’ everyone nodded and Enjolras left the room. Grantaire faced his friends and rolled his eyes when he noticed the look on Jehan’s face.

‘Oh, fuck off, will you?’ the others laughed, knowing Jehan’s “I told you so” look very well to understand what had happened. They all went back to their usual casual social activities and Grantaire grabbed a beer can from the bucket full of ice in the kitchen and sat down in a random chair, close to the window, not socializing.

He stayed there until his beer was over and then stood up to grab another one. And so on. Until he had lost count of how many beers he had drunk and decided to join his friends in a beverage with a little bit more of alcohol in it. He walked into the kitchen, where he saw Joly and Bossuet mixing some things up.

‘Hey, R.’ they greeted him, he simply nodded and smiled.

‘Surprise me tonight, guys.’ he said pointing to what they were doing. ‘Just have in mind that I want something unbelievably strong.’

‘You sure?’ Bossuet asked. Grantaire nodded. They mixed something up, Grantaire didn’t even bother paying attention to that; he was too busy looking at the blond man, sipping on a bottle of wine while talking to Combeferre and Courfeyrac.

Enjolras hardly ever drank anything, but seeing him drinking wine was killing Grantaire. Because, oh, Lord, he wished he was the one who was sharing a bottle of his favourite drink with his Apollo. He snapped out of his thoughts once Joly handed a small cup to him – if they were going to give him something strong, they wouldn’t give him lots of it; his friends knew better than that, so he just thanked them and went back to his chair.

He drank slowly whatever it was that he was drinking, feeling the alcohol go down his throat, feeling that burning sensation he was so used to. He stared outside of the window, wondering if having his Apollo kissing his neck would feel something close to that and concluding it would not. It would burn even more. And it would make him get drunk way quicker than any alcoholic beverage could. So he quickly changed his trail of thought, not wanting to end up with a boner.

It took him an awful long time to finish that drink because he was so lost inside his own mind, fighting with himself about lots of things over and over again. At some point he ended up falling asleep next to that window.

‘Shit.’ he hissed under his breath after waking up and realising he was almost completely alone. ‘Where’s everybody?’ he asked while he walked over to the three people standing by the door.

‘Everyone left already, R.’ Grantaire’s eyes widened. ‘They tried to say good bye but you were kind of asleep and Jehan said you had brought your wallet since you were thinking of going away earlier today, so no one worried.’ Enjolras’ eyes turned to him, but he didn’t notice.

Grantaire put his hands inside his pocket and hissed again. ‘Fuck.’ he ran his hands through his hair.  ‘Okay, can any of you take me home?’ Courfeyrac and Combeferre looked at each other and then blushed a little bit. Enjolras sighed.

‘You can stay here tonight and tomorrow I’ll take you home.’ the other two smiled at him, thankfully. Grantaire stood silent. That wasn’t good. He didn’t want to stay there for the night, it was a bad idea.

‘Great idea, Enj. Guess we’ll see you two around then.’ Courfeyrac said loudly. ‘Bye. Behave.’ and he closed the door in their faces. They heard Combeferre laugh outside and they were gone.

Grantaire blinked a few times, trying to think of something.

‘Can’t you lend me some money? I’ll pay you back next time we see each other.’ Enjolras locked the door and looked at the other, standing in front of him.

‘I’ll take you home tomorrow first thing in the morning, don’t worry.’ he answered, patting the other’s shoulder, making him tense up. ‘So, fancy another drink?’ Enjolras went to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of wine and brought to where they were before, showing it to Grantaire.

The brunet nodded silently. So they both walked to the couch and sat down, side by side. The silence in the room was excruciating. It made Grantaire go mad. He wasn’t exactly sober yet and he was drinking even more. And for Enjolras to have offered him to stay at his house… He probably wasn’t really sober either, which worried Grantaire more than anything else.

‘I’m not sure we should keep drinking tonight.’ he said turning to face the other and Enjolras stared right into his eyes. ‘You’re drunk.’ the other laughed, answering Grantaire’s statement, even though it hadn’t been a question.

‘Your painting.’ Grantaire sighed; he didn’t want to talk about that. ‘Beautiful painting.’ Enjolras said. The other kept silent. ‘But there is one thing I didn’t like about it, actually.’ he leaned closer, Grantaire’s grip on the bottle got stronger. ‘You drew yourself in the back of it…’ he made an unfortunate pause there, making Grantaire’s heart sink, making him want to cry. ‘But it didn’t even look like yourself.’ he continued. ‘I knew it was you, for some reason. It kind of resembles you, but…’ his hands grabbed the bottle from Grantaire, who was too busy trying to refrain himself from either crying or telling the other to fuck off or kissing him. ‘Is that how you see yourself?’

‘What do you mean?’ he realised Enjolras had the bottle and took it from him before he drank any more. Grantaire stood up and took the bottle back to the kitchen, ignoring the disapproval noises coming out of Enjolras. ‘I paint what I see, my dear leader.’

‘You see it wrong, then.’ he blurted out without even thinking.

‘I don’t.’ Grantaire smiled, taking the other by the hand, helping him standing up. ‘So you didn’t like the painting, then.’

‘That is not what I said.’ he answered quickly. ‘Where are we going?’ he hugged Grantaire.

‘To your room, you better get some rest.’

‘What do you think of yourself?’ Enjolras stopped at the door of his bedroom.

‘The same as you do.’ the brunet answered him, smiling sadly.

‘I highly doubt it.’ he held his friend’s hand. ‘Please tell me, Grantaire.’ the way the blond was almost whispering had caught the other off guard, so he gulped.

‘I’m useless. I’m worth nothing. Good for nothing. Pathetic. Waste of space. I’m a bother. Ugly…’ he was hopping Enjolras was drunk enough to forget everything in the morning. ‘Now help me helping you, Apollo.’ he opened the door, Enjolras let him, entering the room and sitting on top of his bed, pointing the space next to him, asking for Grantaire to do the same.

‘You’re wrong.’ he grabbed his hands and pulled him closer. ‘I don’t take you for any of those things.’ the brunet sat down by his side, not letting go of the leader’s hands. ‘You’re magnificent.’ his voice was low, almost a whisper, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing in front of him. Enjolras took one of his hands to Grantaire’s face and brushed his thumb on the other’s jawline, then lips and cheeks. ‘A masterpiece…’ his eyes were burning, but Grantaire couldn’t focus on that. His leader was drunk and needed his help; needed him to tuck him into bed and give him a glass of water and then to make sure he didn’t puke or didn’t do anything stupid.

So Grantaire just smiled, turned his face away and stood up, making Enjolras cry out a little bit. The brunet took the other’s hands to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to them.

‘You should probably get some rest, Apollo. You’re very drunk indeed.’ he smiled wider when he realised the other one was pouting. His godlike colleague never ceased to amaze him with his nonhuman beauty.

‘May I ask you one more thing?’ he pulled the other closer again, but this time he stood up. Grantaire nodded, swallowing hard. ‘How drunk are you?’

‘Not drunk enough.’ the other answers without even thinking, regretting it as soon as the words leave his mouth. ‘I mean-‘ the blond laughed and got even closer to him. ‘Apollo…’ their noses were almost touching, Grantaire tried to move, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop thinking that if he pushed the leader away he might never have that chance again. But, at the same time, he knew it wasn’t fair. Enjolras was drunk and confused and it felt like Grantaire was taking advantage of him. ‘Apo-‘

‘Kiss me.’ his lips brushed against the others, his voice was hoarse and his eyes closed. But Grantaire didn’t move. ‘Kiss me to make up for drawing yourself in that way.’

‘So you didn’t like the painting?’ the blond sighed.

‘Not what I said.’ he threw his arms around the other’s neck and grabbed a lock of his hair. ‘Kiss me.’ he said again. But it sounded more like a plea than an imperative. The other shook his head lightly, their noses brushed against each other. ‘You don’t want to kiss me?’

‘Not what I said.’ Grantaire answered tugging a bit of Enjolras’ t-shirt in his hands. ‘Don’t play me, oh mighty Apollo. You know I would go to hell and back if you simply asked me to. I would gladly accept being used by everyone if that meant that you’d have me too, my fearless leader. Hell, I would die for you in a blink of an eye. So do not play me.’ they went silent for a while.

Grantaire was regretting everything he had said, wondering why he had done that. Imagining how disgusted Enjolras must have been feeling at that moment, hoping the blond didn’t freak out or anything. Hoping he didn’t hate him more than the usual.

‘I’m not playing you.’ he said pulling a bit hard on the other’s hair, making him moan lightly. ‘If you tell me you don’t want to kiss me I’ll let you go.’ he doesn’t manage to hide a bit of sadness in those words. It was true. He would let Grantaire go as soon as he told Enjolras he wanted to. But he needed to know for sure whether the brunet wanted him or not.

The truth was that Enjolras had felt something for the other the moment he laid his eyes on him at the Musain. But he had never told anyone about it, until Grantaire’s birthday the last year, when he drank a bit more than he should have and didn’t stop telling Courfeyrac and Combeferre about how beautiful the brunet was. About how much he wanted to kiss him. About how much their argument made him want to hear his voice as he was receiving pleasure; which was something completely new to Enjolras, since he always believed himself not to desire sex at all.

Grantaire made him realise he wasn’t ace, like he always believed to be. He was demisexual, which made a lot of sense to him. But he didn’t tell the other anything; he was too convinced the brunet hated him.

Enjolras stepped back and opened his eyes; he needed to see the other’s face. Grantaire was biting his lower lip and trying to take a deep breath without making any noises. The blond’s hands trailed down the other’s arms and got to the end of his hoodie, holding on to it. The brunet opened his eyes, startled, only to see his leader look at him with eyes full of lust.

‘Kiss me, Grantaire.’ now his voice sounded more like an order and the other didn’t think before obeying it. He pulled his Apollo closer and pushed their lips together. It was a tender kiss, which sort of surprised Enjolras.

They kissed for a while, Grantaire took it slow for he didn’t want to rush into anything or risk scaring the other away. He wanted to take his time; he had been waiting for three long years for that. He had been fantasising about kissing his blond god for so long, in a thousand different ways. He had fantasised about doing so many things to his leader over the course of three years. And he always managed to convince himself those things would never happen. But there they were, kissing, in Enjolras’ room, because Enjolras had asked him – ordered him – to kiss him. Grantaire didn’t want to rush.

When they parted, the brunet let a sigh escape his lips. ‘Oh, my, I love you so much.’ that abrupt confession made Enjolras laugh and Grantaire opened his eyes in a hurry, noticing he had said that out loud and that his Apollo was laughing. ‘Shit.’

‘Do you really?’ the blond asked him, smiling. Grantaire didn’t know what to say. He had fucked up bad, he felt it deep down, so he just nodded, silently. ‘Good. Otherwise that would have been awkward.’ he said, clearly confusing his friend. ‘You’re so pretty, Grantaire…’ the red leader got close to him again. ‘Promise me you will try to believe that.’

‘I’m flawed, Apollo.’ the other one just smiled.

‘There’s beauty and grace in the flaws of your face.’ he simply answered and leaned back to capture the other one’s lips. ‘May I?’ the brunet nodded. ‘I love you, R. You’re perfect to me.’ so they kissed again.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, that was it. I was listening the "Am I Pretty?" by The Maine and I had the idea to write this fic... "There's beauty and grace in the flaws of your face" is a part of the song, by the way.  
> And also sorry if they seem too OOC, idk.. I'm not that good, I know.  
> But, yeah, it would be amazing if you left a comment with your feedback ^^


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